First Band
by alwaysflying
Summary: Roger is nine. As young as he is, Roger has ambition.


**First Band**

Consistency is dull. Period.

Nine-year-old Roger Davis has said as much to his parents, along with countless other complaints with regard to his "boring" life, but to no avail. Neither his mother nor his father – who are usually known to disagree with one another, hence Roger's expectations of having his wishes granted by at least one of them – consented to Roger's idea of removing him from school and placing him in full-time music camp. Roger cannot understand their refusal, although he will concede that having his typical summer pleasures year-round would take away from the delight of those two and a half months he spends annually at Interlochen National Music Camp. The draw to it would be stifled, he understands; like the concept of having Christmas every day of the year, there would be no point to it. It would become routine. And anything routine is dull.

So, unsurprisingly, it is a desire of Roger's to change something in life, to make it so far from routine that it can resemble movies where children his age – his age! – are spies and crime-fighters and superheroes and shape-shifters and wielders of magical powers. What Roger wants to accomplish is far simpler than all that, however; he wants to start a band. And that, he is certain, will _never _become routine. Assuming, of course, that he can make it happen.

To form a band, Roger decides, he needs several things. He needs talent, he needs instruments, he needs inspiration, he needs to understand the structure of music, he needs bandmates, and he needs publicity. And lastly, he needs lessons. At least, that is what he is told by his mother, who is deeply amused by her son's interest in artistry (but is equally assured that it is merely a phase, and will meet an end shortly). She offers to pay for Roger's lessons, and even goes so far as to locate Scarsdale's most reknowned musical instructor for him – for while nobody wants to deal with a nine-year-old playing music, it is far worse when said music is _bad_.

Roger's response to his mother's valiant efforts is surprising. "I don't need lessons," he insists. "I can play good already." With that, he snatches up his library book – _How to be a Rock Star _by P. Sande Kwayett – and marches up to his room. He emerges at dinnertime, holding underneath his arm his library book, bottled water, and what appears to be, by its shape and size, a guitar.

After further investigation, Roger's mother and father conclude that the mysterious object is indeed a guitar, although Roger refuses to state how he procured such a thing without so much as leaving his bedroom. He makes vague allusions to "the magic of music," but his parents roll their eyes and set out knifes and forks and plates and napkins without another word of it. If nothing else, it is possible that Roger has acquired the guitar through the musically-inclined cousin of Roger's classmate Maureen.

"Well," says Roger's father once dinner has been eaten and the leftovers put away, "how well do you play?"

And so Roger plays. The moment his fingers first strum against the strings, his parents are instantly reminded of listening to similar sounds on record players and the radio. Though neither would go so far as to credit Roger with the kind of talent they once adored, they are willing to believe – in their minds, at least – that the boy has talent. For that reason, Roger is forcibly enrolled in private guitar lessons the next day. He is taken there against his will, but the moment he sits down with his instructor, he is willing to admit that there has never been anything quite so enjoyable as being taught about one's ultimate passion, learning more about it at every turn. It takes Roger only two weeks – two weeks! – before he can play a whole song. Well, it is a song for beginners, and thus is supposedly easy, but it is enough to get Roger motivated. The next day, he finds himself printing up flyers for "band tryouts."

The auditions take place four weeks after Roger first became interested in music. For that reason, his parents are utterly amazed. Firstly, Roger's attention span has never lasted longer than several days at the _most_, and additionally, he has never shown such a devotion to anything. However, he now spends many an hour in his bedroom, pouring over notes on various contenders for different roles in his band. He is nine years old, but he takes this amazingly seriously. Notebook in hand, he sets off to each day's tryout with a stone in his heart, praying that he will find someone ideal.

The problem, of course, is that Roger is nine years old, and very few nine-year-olds have the passion about music that Roger does. Even fewer have the skill. Of those in surrounding age groups, a grand total of zero desire to be in a band headed by a fourth-grader. So Roger is forced to bring himself to settle for those that do not represent utter perfection. It pains him to do so, but eventually his selection has been made. He will be lead singer and head guitarist. His classmate Derek will play bass, and drums will be butchered by the only person applying for said position, the wild and fierce Maureen Johnson. She has no instrumental skills whatsoever, but she is someone that Roger can actually tolerate, and she has a "decent" voice. For that reason, she is allowed to backup-sing as well, although Roger assures her that any attempts on her part to steal the spotlight will result in serious injury.

When Derek and Maureen briefly "date" and then break up, only two days into the band's establishment, Roger is forced to dismiss the former from the band. He then elects to expand his musical group, and returns from tryouts three days later with four individuals at his side, the first two being new bassist David Breadham and new keyboardist Eric Fischer. Trailing behind Roger like lost puppies are his unofficial new "groupies" (alternatively, Maureen calls them "crazed fans lusting over Roger's hair," which is both a more accurate description and an exact synonym of Roger's term), Lisa Collins and Cindy Cohen.

Roger goes home that day to inform his parents of his new bandmates, and his mother's jaw drops at her son's casual reference to "groupies."

"Roger," she explains to him kindly, "you're in fourth grade. You're a kid. I don't know what you've heard – okay, what have you heard about groupies?"

The young musician declares something that was taught to him by Cindy, which is both inaccurate and horribly crude. Roger is taken into the bathroom to have his mouth washed out with soap, and afterwards, he has a lovely chat with his mother on the importance of discontinuing gender roles and sexism. Although he tunes out for most of the lecture, Roger does catch on to one of his mother's phrases: "If nothing else, Roger, remember that you cannot judge based on a person's appearance." Feeling that his mother is quoting the back of a Hallmark card, Roger does not take her words to heart. Not doing so is a serious mistake.

The nine-year-old calls a meeting of his band one day to discuss possible names. "Every band," he explains, "has a name. That's their cover, basically. It's what people know them by. We need a name."

Maureen's suggestion, "Crazy Wildcats," is immediately vetoed.

Although supposedly banned from band meetings, Lisa and Cindy have several suggestions. "Pink Tigers!" exclaims one, while the other suggests "Butterfly Babes!"

It is with that that Eric, a burly ten-year-old with an early birthday, takes it upon himself to forcibly remove the two "cootie-infested groupies" from the clubhouse. When he returns to his seat, Eric is met with brief applause before the band focuses again and continues brainstorming.

Four minutes go by.

Six.

Nine.

When twelve minutes have passed, the room's uncomfortable silence is broken by Roger leaping into the air. "I got it!" he yells. In response to the expectant looks, Roger hurriedly asks, "You know how on TV they always have those hero kids with names for themselves, like Power Rangers and stuff?" Without waiting for an answer, he exclaims, "We could be the Cootie Fighters!"

Somehow, to these four nine-year-olds, the name is ideal and beloved. And it is from that day henceforth that Roger is the lead singer and lead guitarist _and _head executive decision maker of Cootie Fighters. As a matter of fact, that isn't exactly the case. The day after becoming the Cootie Fighters, Roger and his band decides to come up with nicknames for each of the members – "rockin' nicknames," proclaims an excited Maureen.

It is decided that no band member will have a say in the creation of his or her own nickname. That way, each person's title will be equally horrible, and the teasing will be balanced. Roger, whose name is chosen to be Wildman Rouge, has the opportunity to constantly taunt Maureen, or Ruby Marvelous. Eric and David respectively are transformed into Mitch Goldenrod and Tico Shinola, and between the two of them, much mockery and banter takes place. The same holds true for the Cootie Fighters as a whole; high-pitched nine-year-olds' attempts at repartee are commonplace among the band. However, the occasion that occurs next comes as a complete shock to everyone.

Eric's older brother works at a bar. This is a well-known fact among the Cootie Fighters: unquestionable, undeniable. It is equally undeniable that Eric and his brother (who is twenty-three and a beloved hero among the band) cherish their amazingly close relationship of brotherhood. As Eric's brother adores his brother _that _much, he decides to put to good use his position as the announcer of musical acts at the bar. Four nine-year-olds are smuggled into The Cocona Club on a certain dusky evening, instruments in hand and songs scrawled on pages of Roger's notebook. It is a dream come true, Roger tells his bandmates.

Lisa, however, seems to have some sort of problem with this "gig." She objects to it, as does Cindy, although neither will state a vaild reason. Thus of course Roger refuses to budge on the subject. When at last Lisa proclaims that their parents will worry, Roger snaps, "So why don't you go think of something to say to them, huh?" He then calls Lisa a very rude name, and although Maureen has never liked Lisa, she slaps Roger hard across the face.

"Hey!" yells Cindy, who has long harbored romantic feelings towards Roger. She punches Maureen. "Don't hit him!" she yells.

"I'll hit whoever I want," Maureen snaps, and pushes Cindy back. In a quick moment of grasping Maureen's shoulders and regaining her balance, Cindy smacks the other girl, and Maureen returns the slap. This continues on for several minutes, with several other fights taking place in the background; Lisa and David have a heated argument, and Roger and Eric appear to be on the verge of explosion.

It is at last David who yells, "I quit!"

_Hmm_. A collective thought circulates the backstage area. Quitting. That never occurred to any of the Cootie Fighters before, but now that David mentions it, it seems to be not too bad of an idea. Eric yells it next, followed by Lisa and Cindy (who were never really members of the band to begin with). When only Roger and Maureen are left, Maureen breaks the uncomfortable silence by, in her noisemaking shoes, clapping her heels against the hardwood floor as she exits.

Five minutes later, Eric's brother ducks backstage and inquires as to where the rest of the band has gone. Roger shrugs, and instead of responding to the young man's inquisitive look, Roger merely turns and exits as well. It is not a long walk home from there, but it certainly feels as such.


End file.
